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Honne and Tatemae

 


  Imagine if we are in a meet or reunion with a friend from secondary higher school that we haven't seen in a long time. Someone who you never liked and then they point out to meet and catch up. What do you do?

  If you are automatically saying "yes" without hesitation in these situations, congratulations, you are already familiar with the Japanese concepts of Honne (本音) and Tatemae (建前). You may not realise it.

  Honne and Tatemae are Japanese names for two very important concepts. Everyone shall have a nice balance of Honne and Tatemae in their lives. Honne refers to what we really think in our hearts. On the other hand, Tatemae means our behavior in public that follows the standards that are socially accepted.

  The reason why there are Honne and Tatemae is Japanese don't really like to have clashes with others. They don't want to show their rudeness, so they prefer to give formal responses, or to react with formal behavior, rather than saying what they really think to others. 

  However, Honne and Tatemae are often misunderstood by foreigners, especially Westerners because they assume it is hypocrisy. In reality, the culture of Honne and Tatemae doesn't promote lying for the sake of lying.

  Instead, it encourages being agreeable in the name of politeness, and everyone in Japanese society is expected to be familiar with the concept. Surprisingly, it just works. The reason Honne and Tatemae is a prominent part of Japanese culture in communication style. 

  In the end, it saves everyone the awkwardness of facing an undesired situation. Therefore, this communication style involves not just understanding the words being said but also reading subtle cues and social context and interpreting what the actual meaning is.

  In a society where everyone can read small cues and consider the context, using Tatemae becomes less about lying and more about communicating differently. This is the reason why the tourists get the impression that Japanese people are very polite and patient. 

  Honne and Tatemae can be used at work and in business life. If you are worried about how to use it in an office setting, the best advice is to make real connections with your co-workers. Of course, you might never become a true relationship manager, boss, or client, but the nature of the relationship should help through interactions.

  A simple example is when your boss asks you how your weekend was, would you say that you had a terrible weekend and rather be in bed right now, or simply give an agreeable answer that would fit the tone of the conversation better? Believe it or not, that is Tatemae.

  On the other side, Honne and Tatemae in business life can lead ahead in business. This concept becomes important because speaking what is on our mind directly can have much direr consequences. The language barrier and culture change contribute to dealing with foreigners, if not, the concept of Tatemae can be useful.

  The bottom line Honne and Tatemae can be frustrating, especially when your friends practice Tatemae when talking to you all the time. It is better to get to know you better and get closer to your friends.

  Don't take Tatemae personally, because it actually helps you to maintain good and healthy friendships in the long time. 

  Thank you for your time, I do apologise for not uploading a new article in such a long time. It doesn't mean I quit writing, but it's more... lack of idea instead. Moreover, it's getting tougher for me to get an interesting title. It takes time.

  Once again thank you and as always have a lovely day. 😀


References

  1. Honne and Tatemae: Do you actually understand the difference? (2023) Japan Dev. Available at: https://japan-dev.com/blog/honne-and-tatemae.
  2. fromjapan_en_editor (2023) Things you need to know about Honne and Tatemae, fromJapan. Available at: https://fromjapan.info/topics-about-things-you-need-to-know-about-honne-and-tatemae/.
  3. Harpham, S. (2017) Honne and Tatemae: Behind the Japanese Mask, Medium. Medium. Available at: https://medium.com/@SolangeHarpham/honne-and-tatemae-behind-the-japanese-mask-840841aa8664.

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