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People Pleaser

 


  Have you ever had difficulty saying "No" at any particular moment? Or have you ever felt guilty setting boundaries? Well, those are people-pleasers. People-pleasing is associated with a personality trait known as feeling overly concerned with pleasing others and earning their approval as a way to maintain relationships. This usually happens when we are at the office or party. 

  A people-pleaser is a person who puts others' needs ahead of their own. This type of person is highly attuned to others and often seen as helpful and kind, but people-pleasers can also have trouble advocating for themselves. There are several signs that might be a people-pleaser. They have a difficult time saying "no", preoccupied with what other people might think, or feel guilty when do tell people "no". 

  According to experts, people pleasers want everyone around them to be happy and they will do whatever it takes to keep them that way. They can often be perfectionists and spend hours styling their hair meticulously in the mirror. However, there are several ways to stop pleasing.

  Start with a small "No". It might be weird but this is the first step to do. Saying no is very difficult to please people. The easiest small "no" is over chat or text since you have time to reply. You can also try offering alternatives, and don't have to outright say "no". In other words, you don't have to outright reject anyone, you can offer a different solution that can satisfy both of you. 

  Stop apologising. By the mean of that, you've probably said sorry at least a handful of times in the past week. When you apologise, you lessen your own value and allow others to feel as though your needs could wait. When you are accident killed neighbour's bird then you have to apologise. Also.... buy a new one. 

  Consider your priorities. Be aware of what your values and priorities are and you are about to say yes to what would compete with your needs. If your priorities are not going to be met because of what others are asking from you, prioritise yourself just like others prioritise themselves. Keep in my mind that your needs are just as worthy.

  Well, it can be hard to break the pattern of pleasing people, there are many ways actually to take note of your habits. Remind yourself that you can't please everyone. Prioritise your own needs and establish healthy boundaries. We believe that you can do it. Thank you for your time and as always have a nice day 😀.


References:

  1. What Is a People Pleaser? (2023). Available at: https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/what-is-a-people-pleaser#:~:text=A%20people%20pleaser%20is%20typically,may%20be%20a%20people%20pleaser.
  2. 8 Ways to Stop Being a People-Pleaser (2023). Available at: https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-stop-being-a-people-pleaser-5184412.
  3. 10 Signs You're a People Pleaser (and 10 Ways to Stop). Available at: https://www.choosingtherapy.com/people-pleaser/
  4. What makes a people pleaser? The origins of people pleasing explained. (2021). Available at: https://labyrinthhealing.com/blog/what-makes-a-people-pleaser.
  5. Edwards, V. (2020) 11 Expert Tips to Stop Being a People Pleaser and Start Doing You, Science of People. Available at: https://www.scienceofpeople.com/people-pleaser/.

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